Not Without Breaking: A poem

It's not that I'm uninspired.
It's that I'm overwhelmed with inspiration.
Feelings,
emotions,
experiences,
all these words swirling around in my head with
no way to get them out.
Not without breaking.

It's all so personal, too personal, and I haven't let anyone see me in a long time.
I'm an actress. It's what I do.
Push it all back, stuff it into the cracks
and the corners
and the closets,
so no one sees.
Put on a happy face, smile for the cameras, and keep the rest of it tucked away,
behind a brick wall of indifference.
Don't let people in.
They might see,
they might laugh,
they might judge,
they might assume.

They might not understand.
Then what?
Are you sure you're strong enough for that?

That's what I thought.
What I knew.
Because there's only one thing in the world scarier than that.
What if they do understand?
What if they don't laugh,
don't judge,
don't assume?
What if they see
all the things hidden in between the lines?
What if they peer
deep down into your exposed soul,
and stare openly at the broken, exhausted creature that calls it
"home?"
Could you stand there and let them watch?
Could you let them see?
Could you handle that?

Because I can't.
Not without breaking.
And breaking hurts.

~Happy Hippie Herbivore