Today, my mother said the best thing ever. Ladies and gentlemen, from now on, I'm no longer a vegetarian.
I'm a "Planterrorist."
I choose to refer to myself as such for a number of reasons. First, because I'm not an incredibly strict vegetarian (I'm a lacto-ovo-vegetarian, meaning I eat eggs and dairy products, and I allow myself seafood very occasionally, as well). Therefore, Vegetarian seems almost like the wrong term, as I do not eat strictly vegetables all the time. Second, while I do indeed indulge in animal products, those products are not, and were never alive. They may aid in the lives of other living creatures, or in the case of eggs, have the potential to be living creatures, but they are not alive. Plants, on the other hand, are living things. They eat and grow and procreate. Plants, therefore, are the only living things that I eat (well, except that occasional seafood), and I eat enough of them that, frankly, they should be scared of me. No, they should be terrified. The third reason,while my primary reason, is much less scientific. To put it simply, Planterrorist just sounds so much more badass than vegetarian.
It is for these reasons, I choose to be known henceforth as a Planterrorist. I hope that you will respect my decision.
So, dearest FBI, let it be known that when I declare myself, in public places, to be a "Planterrorist," it does not mean that I am planning acts of terrorism. It simply means that I am a terror to plants. Because I eat them. A lot. Please don't shoot me.
Sincerely,
~Happy Hippie Herbivore
Update: My stupid biologist best friend slash roommate pointed out to me that eggs don't technically have the potential to be alive, because they aren't fertilized. I knew that. I was just testing you. Shut up. I knew what I meant. Your face.
I'm a "Planterrorist."
I choose to refer to myself as such for a number of reasons. First, because I'm not an incredibly strict vegetarian (I'm a lacto-ovo-vegetarian, meaning I eat eggs and dairy products, and I allow myself seafood very occasionally, as well). Therefore, Vegetarian seems almost like the wrong term, as I do not eat strictly vegetables all the time. Second, while I do indeed indulge in animal products, those products are not, and were never alive. They may aid in the lives of other living creatures, or in the case of eggs, have the potential to be living creatures, but they are not alive. Plants, on the other hand, are living things. They eat and grow and procreate. Plants, therefore, are the only living things that I eat (well, except that occasional seafood), and I eat enough of them that, frankly, they should be scared of me. No, they should be terrified. The third reason,while my primary reason, is much less scientific. To put it simply, Planterrorist just sounds so much more badass than vegetarian.
It is for these reasons, I choose to be known henceforth as a Planterrorist. I hope that you will respect my decision.
So, dearest FBI, let it be known that when I declare myself, in public places, to be a "Planterrorist," it does not mean that I am planning acts of terrorism. It simply means that I am a terror to plants. Because I eat them. A lot. Please don't shoot me.
Sincerely,
~Happy Hippie Herbivore
Update: My stupid biologist best friend slash roommate pointed out to me that eggs don't technically have the potential to be alive, because they aren't fertilized. I knew that. I was just testing you. Shut up. I knew what I meant. Your face.
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